Tuesday, 17 November 2009

You know what...?

I think it's been a hard year.

It's late, and I should be in bed. I seem to be using report writing seasons to semi-annually update things here. If none of my 'friends' will interrupt me then, darn it, I'll just have to procrastinate myself...

One of the reasons I haven't posted much is because I haven't been very happy. That is to say, I haven't been categorically 'unhappy' as such, just not my usual bubbly self, and it's for a range of reasons I think.

The wedding, although wonderful and awesome and perfect and ended with me married to the right guy (as promised), was followed by something of a slump. Twelve months of talking about this massive party and then a week of honeymoon to find something else to say... well, it got a bit quiet afterward. And 13 years of going-out with someone actually doesn't prepare you for being married to them. But I think I'm finally getting my groove as a wife and becoming more and more delighted that he's my husband.

When school started this year I learned that a student of mine from last year had passed away over the holidays. It was completely unexpected, and I found out in an unexpected way. Her funeral, where I gave a eulogy and last talked with her mum, was hard and gave my first term (at the least) a grey stain that was hard to shake. She had just begun to figure out that she was going to be fine the way she was; that the way she was, was awesome and loved, and she was going to be pretty cool. Her Christmas card to me said "You taught me that I'm fine the way I am" I thought "Well, that's a success. I did ok there." So I was fairly miffed that I wouldn't get to see that particular kid from my first ever class grow up and be awesome.

And then it turns out that my second year hasn't been as easier as I'd hoped. I should have been more careful to extend my self-forgiveness all the way through my graduate years, not just the first one. Unfulfilled high expectations of myself have just left me frustrated and disappointed and, after a kick in the shins from the funeral, its been pretty grindy.

So my update is more a series of reasons for why I've not been updating.
I have, however, been reading lots of awesome blogs and wishing I'd been enthusiastic/time-rich enough to try cooking up an articulate contribution to these great discussions about sexism on the Footy show, league tables for schools, rape culture and misconceptions, bogus feminist spokespeople and a rainbow of other fantastic commentary that's probably gone unread by the wrong people.
I must say, I do try my best to keep an equalitist voice in my classroom. It's surprisingly hard, considering our school is so sports orientated and a few key male teachers in our school are rather 'blokey' - which has its pros and cons. The girls in my room are very good at maintaining feminist/equalitist points of view and voices, but the boys aren't so good and have been taking their cue form other poorly informed males. This is particularly apparent when the boys say something inflammatory (you know, some dopey joke about women drivers or something), clearly to get a rise out of the girls, and the girls can't explain why its so frustratingly infuriating. (I challenge feminist/equalitist to explain that response in one sentence... In the meantime, I'm am presenting an articulate, somewhat formidable, respectable and feminist to them for a year, so that's something.)
My main hurdle is that, although I'm good friends with these guys, now they're perpetually cautious around me with their stories and jokes (or purposefully not), yet they have no idea how undereducated they are about feminism or how sexist they are. Poor chaps. At least they were able to have a chuckle with me when I noted this:
Blokey humour has helped to boost its ratings, but Newman goes over the top when audiences appear to be dropping off. (HS, 17/11/09)

The HS suggests that Newman, a man educated in the old school system, apparently shouldn't bother to (or isn't able to) call on his morals or ethics to gauge the appropriateness of his behaviour, nor should anyone else try to mend the error of these ways: they should rely on ratings. Yes, it's the ratings that will tell you the true quality of a joke, and whether you've gone 'over the top'. Never mind if you've been pointing at the top for years.
Almost HS, but you have some Equal Opp. training to go yet.

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