Wednesday, 14 January 2009

So this is what the future looks like...

For a few days now I've been thinking that I should be back on here updating something, but I assumed that no one was watching. And then I got this lovely comment from angry-man and though "Aaw. Someone cares."
I read back over that post and thought that I could very well be read as someone who support strip shows (sorry, did I mention the theme of that commented-upon-post?). Little things in my story - such as us dancing up the back of the venue, away from the function, during the end of the show - didn't indicate enough how much I'd disengaged from the whole thing. ...hmm.
No, I'm not okay with them. Well, I'm torn. I hate, hate, hate the idea of someone being objectified or valued for their appearance/gender above who they are, and I'm practically violent about people doing it to me. But I know that people do it to others and themselves (and encourage it in some cases) and I suspect that that practice will always be around. If people are informed and consenting, well, who am I to limit them?
They don't attract me. I won't promote them. I won't go to another, and I won't have such a thing for my Hen's/Kitchen tea. In fact I don't want any sex-related item anywhere near my pre-wedding celebrations. But what's done is done, and I went to my friend's Hen's night with the intention of helping make a happy time, regardless of what was organised for us. I don't think there much else I can say about this.

So, for the record, in case anyone's listening, here is a calmer, hopefully more articulate post than I have recently provided.

I finished my last semester in a much more organised and sensible fashion than Semester 1. I got my reports done with much more calm, although my frustration with the reporting program and the obscure curriculum elements hasn't changed too much. I didn't think I would cry when they all went off to high school but I did a little in the end - I did have an excellent collection of people. I found out I'll be at the same school and grade next year, which I'm taking as a compliment. Better still I'll have 24 students instead of 30! What will I do with myself?!
I've become a fully registered teacher and had an excellent interview with our Assistant Principals - which is part of the registration process. My mentor was awesome and I'm generally looking forward to next year, except I will miss these holidays (but for the heat).
Most of these holidays will be spent preparing for the school year and preparing for our wedding in April. Which is a very strange process...

This industry of weddings is fascinating, frustrating, wonderful, absurd and grotesque. I'm trying not to engage with it too much, because it will be behind me soon enough, and I don't want to spend my energy angsting over something this massively beyond little ol' me.

First. Getting the venue wasn't too hard, porbably a day or so of driving looking and talking, and it turned out that, when we figured out what we wanted, it existed.

Second. When you try on a wedding dress its all about YOU, which is hard to get used to. I have a conspiracy theory that if it looks like you're going to buy that dress, any spare employees of the store will gather nearby and reverentially say "Oh yes, oh that is beautiful on her. Won't she look lovely, Angela? Beautiful". When you sit in it - to check that you can sit in it - they bring a mirror so you can see what you look like when you sit in it.

Third, the celebrant. This was relatively smooth and I'm actually looking forward to this part of it - the talking, explaining, expressing the whys of it all. I'm expecting it will be confronting and I'm up for it.

And then. The rest if it. Besides the expense, it's the amazing performance of it. The cake, the flowers, the dresses, my dress, their suits, the music, the photos, the venue options, the colours you choose, the colour range you could choose, the shoes, the hair, the make-up, the stationery (oh my word its a massive part of it), the honeymoon, and everyone you're related to who has a stake in it... I'm just trying to keep it fun, and remember that the wedding is not as important as the marraige.

I've also been taking great pains to try and find a balance in the way I attend to things - not too big, not too much, something I like, that he can stand, that represents both of us, but it doesn't have to be our soul, it can just be nice.
Ironically, this is almost the opposite of what my partner thinks I've been doing, which is a massive amount of research and exploration, in his opinion. But I'm ok with that because it's the way I work - I like to read up and learn a lot (immerse, you might say) and after a while what I want/like/need rises to the top. On the other hand, I want most of this done, tied, wrapped and going by the time we start Term 1, which gives me this week and next week, basically. So yeah, I'm going hammer and tongs.

I'm also deciding what to do about my last name, partly due to this very interesting debate in Blue Milk's household. Fiance says it didn't occur to him that I would change my name: He is officially not fussed about it. Which is comforting because, as much as I'm looking forward to being married, I don't particularly want to change my name. I'm quite attached to mine. And all the tradition, implications of it, are skewed. He's becoming a part of my family as much as I will be a part of his. There's no dowry, no glory box (no puns), no 'white wedding' criteria, and I moved out of home a long time ago... So the justificatoin for me changing my name, well it seems unfair and nonsensical. People ask us what our kids will do when they marry with their already hyphenated name, but at this stage I'm thinking "I don't mind - they'll be adults, they can do as they please, just as I have". I can wait, I suppose, to see if I want to have my maiden name as my professional name and his name when I'm a parent, but it still seems to miss the point... and then someone was all, "well why don't you take your mum's mum's mum's (etc) maiden name? Where woudl it end?" I think I answered with a "I'm going to make a name surname for us both - a blend of the two!" (There must common somewhere.) The main problem is how we'll be announced at the reception. I think we'll just go with first names.

4 comments:

Helen said...

Oh Congratulations!
Laura of Sill's Bend is saying many of the same things you are - it's all a bit strange and unsettling and people have such strange expectations.

May you have a wonderfully happy life together.

As for 6th graders going on to high school, I blub like crazy. But I always blub at the end of year things anyway.

R.H. said...

I don't mean you, really. Seems you just lapsed.

R.H. said...

Okay?

Print it.

R.H. said...

Thanks. And I see no reason not to congratulate you on your marriage; don't listen to other people, make the biggest day of it, love is the best thing whatsoever.