No, it's not just you...

I was reading Dan's post on [redacted] about his family's birthday antics (found c/CB) and I recently gathered a similar story.

I attended the wedding of two great friends on the weekend. I don't know two better people - they're both generous, kind, thoughtful, intelligent, achieving, friendly, (good-looking darn it), and after a decade of knowing them - with at least 4 years of close friendship - I still don't know what their faults are. Unless 'inciting an inferiority complex' is one. It kills me.

One of them has an elderly grandad who's on oxygen. The contraption and cylinder rolls around with him and emits a high beep if the user isn't sucking enough juice out of it. So every now and then you get this 'flatline' sound in the background and any surrounding relatives give him a reminder-prod to breathe through his nose.
He was pretty deaf too. For example, after the MC announces the Bride and Groom to the reception room (you know, that couple in the big fancy clothes that everyone applauds, the grankiddies getting married) I hear "HE SAID 'JENNY AND JOHN MICHAELS'. HAVEN'T YOU GOT YOUR HEARING AID ON?"

So of course the speeches were excellent. The best man did a great job: "...as I'm sure you've learned, Jenny, during your two years living in sin together...'
Both the Bride and Groom made speeches and thank-yous. During the Groom's speech I got all teary (again), because he's just so freakin sweet, and couldn't decided if I was crying from joy or absurdity:
"She's just so fantastic. Every day has gotten better since I met her-"
Beeeeeeeeep"Breathe Mitch! Breathe!"
And I just couldn't hold it after that.

Okely-dokely

It says:
REMEMBER, KEEP CALM - DON'T HANG UP. NOW - PLEASE TURN OVER & FILL IN THE BOMB THREAT REPORT.


Cheers for that.

Tattoo Make-up is for suckers.

I have a good friend's wedding this weekend and yesterday I was browsing for make-up in a near-by chemist. As you do (or in case you don't) I marked my hand with a few lipsticks to see how they look and ended up with a nice little pink-red rainbow within about 10 mins.

Most places that stock a make-up range will also provide tissues to wipe off your 'experiment patch' (ooh, that phrase is so gunna catch). But not here. When I got back to the office, and had a go at it I was left with one of the colours holding fast to my skin like axl grease. I can't remember the name of it but I like to call it 'Pro Pink'. I also can't remember the brand, but do recall it was a double-ended type, with colour at one end and cover-gloss at the other.
This is what I have today, after a night's sleep and a shower:


Now I'll have to go and buy the damn stuff, and the nail polish, so I can co-ordinate with my freakin hand.


Update:
It's $30 a stick, so we can forget that. A good scrub did the job, although I lost some hair. Seriously, if you use it you'll have to plan a matching wardrobe for the following week.

What genre is that?

We have a state election coming up.  I don't know the rules for bio/policy statements, or how one should refer to oneself, or even one's candidate. But it can't be like this. Around 17 uses of the candidate's name - Judith - starts to read a bit awkwardly after a while.
Reader doesn't like this. Reader feels that a ratio of 'proper noun : pronoun' of 3:1 is a bit silly. Reader can see that this might've been done to cover any concerns about citations, but Reader feels that, as this is a primary reference for the candidate, readability should prevail.
For other unfortunate election literature, I refer you to The Nightwatchman's piece on another candidate. Enjoy.